unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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