When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
