May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
