Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
