Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
