We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
