Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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