we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
PANTIES FOUND
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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