Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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