I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.