I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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