he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
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I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Someone came in the potted fern
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS