i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dating After Heartbreak
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.