i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
