i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
