I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
