Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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