All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
