i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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