she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
40s are totally the cure
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
