woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
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