I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
