and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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