Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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