I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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