So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
