I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
