I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
