I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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