Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
