i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
