I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
