he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
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Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
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Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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