Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize