I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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