apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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