so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
