I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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