k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My bed smells like the plague
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
