This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
