Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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