I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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