I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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