Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
