I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize