i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She's not a foreskin expert like you
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
