Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
that's an acceptable place to lick
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
