I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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