my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
