he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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