come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
