I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize