If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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