I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
