There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dick very happy bro
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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