i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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