a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
