Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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